There’s one reason this recession won’t last, and one reason alone. In the past, you didn’t have the American Black Man. Now, these prime tips will make sure you have enough in your wallet to pay old Uncle Sam.

Well we knew they were going to catch on eventually. Australia’s prime minister is doing everything he can to getting people to stop referring to the country as ‘Down Under’ from yelling “Stop that!” to handing out jury duty.

Hundreds of Real American Heroes are out of work. Their weapons are 100% plastic. 99% of all American citizens believe them to be a line of Hasbro toys. Newly appointed leader of G.I. Joe Col. John Bradford thinks another movie is exactly what his faction needs.

Defunct credit card companies are seeking a new form of plastic that is 100% unshreddable, unfreezeable and has no spending limit. NASA searches for compounds on Mars.

Stephen Hawking may have had his theories on black holes debunked by the scientific community, but that didn’t stop him from putting them into practice. He not only has the equations on black holes, he’s got the device that can manipulate black holes. And he’s sitting on it as we speak.

It couldn’t have been avoided. It couldn’t have been predicted. It just couldn’t have couldn’t have. The sovereign nation of Japan sunk below the waters it so admirably watched for decades. The only known cause can be attributed directly to one company: Nintendo (NTDOY). This report will make waves.